I LIKE FUCKING/I HATE DANGER

Wingnuts on Parade, Pittsburgh edition: I’m sure you’ve probably read this story about Ashley Todd, 20-year-old GOP volunteer who alleged that a 6’4″ black man mugged her in Pittsburgh and, enraged by her McCain-Palin bumper sticker, carved the letter B into her cheek with a dull knife to “teach her a lesson.” As of 1:30 PM EST she had confessed to Pittsburgh Police that the whole thing was a hoax. Indeed! As many would-be gumshoes have pointed out, her story was riddled with inconsistencies, the most glaring of which is the fact that the letter B is backwards, as if she did it herself in a mirror. And, I’d like to add, the attack allegedly occurred at an ATM in Bloomfield, my old neighborhood, at 8:45 PM. Do you know what happens in Bloomfield at 8:45 PM on a Thursday evening? The sidewalks are busy with bar and restaurant traffic and badass teenagers are holding court on the steps of the Catholic church. It’s hardly “the bad side of Pittsburgh,” as Todd called it in her twitter account of the evening, which looks pretty much rigged to be read after the incident as a haunting premonition of danger.

But then, my joy in repudiating her story is evidence of the mobility an incident like this has in the mind, even in the mind of a total non-believer. It’s a red herring worthy of an episode of Law and Order. And as much as we might enjoy unraveling the dubious circumstances of this incident or contemplating the deep sad sickness of somebody who self-mutilates to draw political lightning, or manipulates sympathy for violent attacks on women, thereby potentially discrediting others, it’s not actually important. It’s fabular and unreal.

This, however, is real: Sarah Palin says she “doesn’t know” if clinic bombers are terrorists. Let’s think about that stuff instead.